Apologies I Should Have Made

(answers to Survey 5)

Have you ever said, "I wish I had apologized for that"?

Did you ever hurt someone, embarrass someone, slight someone, or inconvenience someone,
only to feel sorry later, and not know what to say?

This survey is an opportunity for you to admit your regrets.
By unburdening yourself here, you help other people who might someday be in your shoes;
you can help them to know when to apologize, or help them to avoid the need to.


Response: #1
Received: Jul 10, 1998 17:34 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?



Response: #2
Received: Aug 24, 1998 12:13 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?


Response: #3
Received: Sep 18, 1998 20:40 ET

Does someone owe you an apology?


Response: #4
Received: Mar 21, 1999 02:21 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?

It's ok if you give my name:


Response: #5
Received: Jul 2, 1999 16:02 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?


Response: #6
Received: Sep 13, 1999 20:20 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Editor's note:   
It's true, people can be incredibly insensitive (or awkward?) at these times. 
For a list of other things to avoid saying, see "Saying the Right Thing to the Bereaved," 
Psychology Today, Dec. 1984, p. 17. --jeb 

Does someone owe you an apology?



Response: #7
Received: Oct 23, 1999 00:40 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?


Response: #8
Received: Nov 2, 1999 10:36 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?

It's ok if you give my name:


Response: #9
Received: Nov 11, 1999 19:59 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?

It's ok if you give my name:


Response: #10
Received: Nov 16, 1999 02:29 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Does someone owe you an apology?

It's ok if you give my name:


Response: #11
Received: Jan 5, 2000 21:36 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Does someone owe you an apology?


Response: #12
Received: Jan 31, 2000 01:13 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Does someone owe you an apology?



Response: #13
Received: Feb 23, 2000 12:44 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Does someone owe you an apology?


Response: #14
Received: Feb 26, 2000 17:40 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?

It's ok if you give my name:



Response: #15
Received: May 2, 2000 04:57 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Editor's note:
It's probably best that you kept this "apology" to yourself.
Saying "I'm sorry but what I said was true" is a slap in the face, not an apology.

Finally, it's perfectly natural to feel pangs of guilt after standing up for what's right.
I think you did the right thing. :^)

I have a friend who was raised abusively. His friends know about his troubled upbringing;
he's very glad today that he's not the only one who knows. He's very glad that others noticed.
This moral support helps him not to doubt his own judgment.
-- jeb

Does someone owe you an apology?

Editor's note:
False. When you go around repeating snake-oil truisms like "We all make mistakes,"
you make all mistakes sound equal. They are not.
We do not all commit rape, we do not all commit murder.
-- jeb



Response: #16
Received: Aug 14, 2000 18:55 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?



Response: #17
Received: Oct 27, 2000 00:08 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?



Response: #18
Received: May 13, 2002 03:21 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?



Response: #19
Received: Jun 27, 2002 15:00 ET

What do you regret doing or saying?

What do you wish you had done or said, as an apology?

Do you know why you didn't apologize?

Does someone owe you an apology?

Editor's note:
Actually I hear a ring of truth in what your friend told you.
One flaw of many "seventeen-year boys" (and 37-year-olds too) is that
they think they should be able to say *anything* behind someone's back,
and that their words somehow magically won't hurt the friendship.
People actually think that way! So, don't be *too* quick to doubt your friend or her motives;
her report may be accurate.

I do hope you'll write your old flame anyway. I think he'll be happy to hear from you.
You'll absolutely need to clear the air, though, before any friendship can proceed;
to this day he probably has no idea why your heart changed,
and if you don't use your one chance to (briefly) explain, he will never ever feel comfortable around you.
The only way I know to express it is
"I'm so sorry -- Esmerelda told me that you said some awful things about me behind my back,
and I was too quick to believe her, can you ever forgive me?"
This gives him the dual opportunity to either forgive you or to do some apologizing of his own :^) .

Best wishes,
-- jeb



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