Not So Fast! -- a survey about fast relationships

(answers to Survey 6)

Have you ever noticed how some relationships heat up too soon?

Maybe this has happened to you: You go out with someone new, and he or she starts talking about love and marriage and having children -- on the very first date! In Western cultures, at least, that's a taboo. Or maybe this person wants to jump into bed before you're ready. Sometimes it's just the opposite: you're ready and they're not. These unilateral situations aren't fun for anyone.

And then sometimes it's bilateral -- the relationship starts out normally, deepens gradually and mutually, with both partners moving at the same speed, with equal enthusiasm, and then one person abruptly puts on the brakes, and says the other person was moving too fast.

Late one night I overheard two people breaking up. They had been seeing each other for a month. She said she felt trapped. He said this puzzled him, because he had watched her carefully, and had seen only that she was just as eager as him to get more involved. She said he should get some hobbies and stop hanging around her so much. I couldn't tell, just from listening, who if anyone was more at fault: whether she had changed her mind about him and was now shifting the blame onto him, or whether he was just inept at reading the signs and had been blindly charging forward.

(I trust I'm not embarrassing this couple by telling their story here -- these breakups happen to millions of couples every day.)

How are couples supposed to know how to behave?
Is there an ideal timetable for lovers to follow?
Can things be rushed if both partners consent, or is that unwise?
And is it really about keeping a pace and staying in step, or is it about
not getting more involved with someone who has particular flaws,
or who suddenly turns you off?
If more people would share their insights and experiences, we might all learn some important guidelines.


Response: #1
Received: Sep 8, 1998 09:53 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up



Response: #2
Received: Sep 8, 1998 14:24 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #3
Received: Sep 20, 1998 14:15 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no



Response: #4
Received: Sep 29, 1998 19:25 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up


Response: #5
Received: Nov 24, 1998 13:36 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

It's ok if you give my name:



Response: #6
Received: Nov 28, 1998 19:21 ET ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

We never had a relationship -- we're just friends

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up


Response: #7
Received: Dec 20, 1998 01:23 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I think we should see other people
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We stayed together


Response: #8
Received: Dec 22, 1998 20:46 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #9
Received: Dec 28, 1998 22:28 ET

Editor's note:
This response seems to be not about a relationship that moved too fast, but a relationship that was insulted to death....
--jeb

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.
I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?



Response: #10
Received: Dec 29, 1998 11:15 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

It's ok if you give my name:


Response: #11
Received: Jan 8, 1999 14:50 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

It's ok if you give my name:



Response: #12
Received: Feb 10, 1999 21:02 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now
We never had a relationship -- we're just friends
This is your fault -- you shouldn't have moved so fast
Other:

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #13
Received: Feb 11, 1999 18:21 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #14
Received: Mar 8, 1999 04:14 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
I think we should see other people
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.
I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up


Response: #15
Received: Mar 9, 1999 16:21 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
I think we should see other people
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #16
Received: Mar 9, 1999 18:39 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I'm just not looking for a relationship right now
We never had a relationship -- we're just friends

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #17
Received: Mar 19, 1999 04:10 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?



Response: #18
Received: Apr 19, 1999 19:14 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?



Response: #19
Received: Apr 22, 1999 13:47 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now
We never had a relationship -- we're just friends

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

It's ok if you give my name:


Response: #20
Received: Apr 26, 1999 15:14 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #21
Received: May 25, 1999 18:22 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I'm just not looking for a relationship right now

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #22
Received: Jun 11, 1999 16:49 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

It's ok if you give my name:



Response: #23
Received: Jun 12, 1999 19:20 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
I think we should see other people
We never had a relationship -- we're just friends
This is your fault -- you shouldn't have moved so fast
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #24
Received: Jul 3, 1999 09:38 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I think we should see other people
This is your fault -- you shouldn't have moved so fast
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #25
Received: Jul 13, 1999 16:32 ET

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?


Response: #26
Received: Jul 26, 1999 22:31 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

Editor's note:
This response exemplifies the point that people sometimes abruptly change speeds. You never can tell, I guess. A good reply to someone who sets a quick pace and then says "You moved too fast" is "You shouldn't have led me on."
--jeb

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

Editor's note:
Too simplistic. People who say everything that comes into their heads are called tactless and disrespectful.
--jeb


Response: #27
Received: Aug 24, 1999 14:46 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up



Response: #28
Received: Sep 13, 1999 20:05 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now
We never had a relationship -- we're just friends
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #29
Received: Sep 20, 1999 13:41 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
This is your fault -- you shouldn't have moved so fast
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #30
Received: Oct 3, 1999 20:25 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?


Response: #31
Received: Oct 31, 1999 18:12 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #32
Received: Nov 15, 1999 18:20 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.

What happened to the relationship?

We stayed together

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?



Response: #33
Received: Dec 1, 1999 19:11 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #34
Received: Dec 23, 1999 18:07 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I think we should see other people
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up We stayed together



Response: #35
Received: Dec 27, 1999 17:10 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
This is your fault -- you shouldn't have moved so fast

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

It's ok if you give my name:


Response: #36
Received: Jan 5, 2000 21:55 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?

What happened to the relationship?

We stayed together


Response: #37
Received: Jan 14, 2000 13:11 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

In addition, my partner resented my efforts toward staying together.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #38
Received: Mar 25, 2000 20:55 ET

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?



Response: #39
Received: Apr 29, 2000 12:42 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
I think we should see other people
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now
We never had a relationship -- we're just friends

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.
In addition, my partner resented my efforts toward staying together.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?



Response: #40
Received: May 2, 2000 04:43 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

We never had a relationship -- we're just friends

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #41
Received: May 17, 2000 10:35 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up


Response: #42
Received: Jul 8, 2000 00:20 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?

Editor's note:
I wrote back with a question, and the respondent gave more details:

> HE WAS CRAZY.He always complained about me spending tim e with him , when he
> lived with me. ... When my
> mother came to visit he whined about not getting any attention, when i
> included him in anything. He would'nt hang out with his friends, I couldn't
> hang out with my friends.

-- jeb


Response: #43
Received: Oct 27, 2000 00:15 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

Other:

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #44
Received: Feb 8, 2001 09:52 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? I did my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
You're very nice, but.... /I love you too, but....
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Editor's note:
I kinda think he had it coming.

I've seen this often, this phenomenon of "I'm breaking up with you because you're starting to reciprocate."
Seems abnormal somehow.
I hope a psychologist will do a study on this phenomenon someday --
It's very common, but it doesn't even have a name, as far as I know.
-- jeb

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

I saw my partner backing away, and so I began trying harder to make the relationship work.
In addition, my partner resented my efforts toward staying together.

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #45
Received: Feb 12, 2001 13:07 ET

Have you ever been in the above situation?

no, but I am filling in this form because

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I'm just not looking for a relationship right now
We never had a relationship -- we're just friends

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

no

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up

What lessons should be learned from this relationship?


Response: #46
Received: Jul 10, 2001 03:45 ET

Who allegedly moved too fast, you or your partner? my partner did

What signs did you see that the relationship was in trouble?

And how long had the relationship gone on before you saw these signs?

What were the reason(s) given for breaking up?

I feel trapped
I don't have 24 hours a day to spend with you
I'm just not looking for a relationship right now

Breakups are often accompanied by insults. What insults do you remember hearing?

Did the problem occur when/because you suddenly lost feelings for your partner?

yes

If yes, what did your partner do wrong? Or what caused (or preceded) this loss of feelings?


I wanted to break up, but found it difficult to put my exact reasons into words.

If you were the one who wanted to break up, what if any indirect hints did you drop, and did your partner seem to get those hints?

What happened to the relationship?

We broke up



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