The Relationshop Blog


19 March 2007

Good Intentions

(In reply to a lot of discussions.)


I've noticed that the topic of "intent" keeps coming up.
Everyone's so kind and so noble, and would never hurt a fly.

My gripe is with those who claim "good intentions" after hurting/wronging someone.

I've noticed a few things about people who claim to have good intentions: They'll always put up a protest, with "I didn't intend this" and "I didn't intend that" and "I intended only the best." But look closely, and you'll see a few more things they don't intend:

In fact, their "good intentions" go no farther than "I intended that you would react better to my misbehavior. And when you didn't, I rewrote history and pretended that my intentions were noble." This backpedaling is what results when people learn interpersonal skills from sitcoms, not psychology classes.

If we're going to talk about intentions, let's open both eyes and face the whole truth.

More: Why Are People Rude?


J. E. Brown Relationshop Los Alamos, NM USA

about the author

J. E. Brown, relationship activist, decided in 1987 that verbal abuse will be wiped off the planet.

He has been working on it ever since.

While writing a book on relationships, he occasionally designs online surveys and writes educational materials for this web site.

more Thoughts of the Week


The road to Hell is paved with good intentions; intransigence; revisionist history.

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