How to Be Rude

 by Miss Conduct.

1. ALIENATE. DISTANCE YOURSELF. COMPARE.

Never mind the fact that people want to fit in -- make them feel like they stand out. Point out their differences to them. Say, "Oh -- you're non-white!" or "Oh -- you're ethnic!"

Make people self-conscious. Say "You're very quiet."/" I see you've put on a few pounds."/"You're a foreigner!" (In polite company, we do not notice the peculiarities of others.)

If you must compliment others on their looks or habits or accomplishments, make your remarks as subtle and complicated as possible, never obvious. Better still, make them sound almost like insults. If your compliments are too easy to understand, people might like you! ("Alienate" does mean "to make someone feel alien." Alienation ends friendships.)

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