(answers to Survey 2)
Response: #1 Received: Aug 28, 1997 23:41 ET
Did you ever have a friend or co-worker who caused you to question your own worth? Was there ever a time when he or she shook your confidence in your own goodness? Did you doubt your suitability as a friend, or your integrity as a person?
Perhaps he or she made a remark about your character without thinking, or behaved in a way that said "I question your maturity or responsibility."
Think of a person from your past, someone who gave you such self-doubts.
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? I had gone to the my stepsister's house to drop off my 7 wk old daughter. It was my first week back to work after my maternity leave. I gave all the instructions and was about to leave when [my daughter] started crying. I stuck around and tried to comfort her. Finally I had to leave. I was going to be late. She was still kinda fussy but doing OK. (No signs of illness or anything) When I returned I heard how I was an awful mother for leaving her crying like that. Apparently my step sister's friend thought I should not have left with [my daughter] crying like that. I left strict instructions to be called at work if anything were to happen or if she couldn't be calmed. It turned out she had a gas bubble and was fine minutes after I left. She was my first child and as if I wasn't doubting my abilities as a mother enough, she had to make all those comments on how I must not care for my child since I left her crying.
Sometimes, the period of self-doubt and reflection is marked by a question you ask yourself repeatedly. Did you ask yourself such a question over and over during this time?
a week
I felt something like grief or sadness
We are no longer in contact.
Response: #2 Received: May 30, 1998 17:15 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? they just always wanted to do things for me and it took me a long time to realize that by doing this they caused me to doubt my ablity to do things for myself
never really stopped
I felt less close to this other person
Other:
Response: #3 Received: Sep 20, 1998 14:00 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? He said "Your the one coming on to me!" But I never recall me doing anything that could have gave him that idea!
Response: #4 Received: Dec 3, 1998 23:23 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? "I could call you many other names than what SHE called you!"
an hour
I felt something like grief or sadness harsh words were spoken Other:
Response: #5 Received: Jan 24, 1999 15:41 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? You have no idea what you're talking about. You have no experience.
only a moment
I felt less close to this other person no change, nothing unusual
Nothing bad
Response: #6 Received: Feb 11, 1999 20:24 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? The are numerous times and numerous people that have caused me to doubt myself. To pick one is hard, but here goes one. It is awful to think that my very own teacher caused me to lower the image I have of myself. He said, "You are a sponge. You just sit back and expect knowledge to be fed to you. You're a loser, sheesh, all you Junior girls are the same-- no self-confidence." Now what I was suppose to think of myself after hearing this from my teacher who is suppose to be a role model and be encouraging. I began examining myself and I could find reasons that he would think I am as he described. Yet after observing his behavior and his attitude, I concluded he was the one with the problem, not me.
Sometimes, the period of self-doubt and reflection is marked by a question you ask yourself repeatedly. Did you ask yourself such a question over and over during this time? Do I really let people walk over me? Do I not give my opinions for other reasons than to avoide arguements?"
Other: I knew that I am not a loser and that my confidence is not low. I concluded that he was the arrogant stereotyper.
Response: #7 Received: Feb 12, 1999 18:12 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? He told me I scare him because I want to get invovled with someone to soon and he's not ready for a relationship
a day
I felt less close to this other person I felt something like grief or sadness
Response: #8 Received: Mar 8, 1999 04:19 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? Treated me like I was below him, and pittying myself.
I felt less close to this other person I felt something like grief or sadness harsh words were spoken
We are no longer in contact. Other:
Response: #9 Received: Mar 9, 1999 18:53 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? One of my co-workers told me that I had a very sharp tongue and wasn't considerate of anyone else's flaws and that was why I would never get the promotion I was going for
Nothing bad Other:
Response: #10 Received: Mar 27, 1999 00:23 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? My friends ignored me when I tripped and fell.
Response: #11 Received: Apr 1, 1999 01:54 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? You can't dance.
Other: Even though we are very close, I will not dance. I was hurt and I won't let myself be hurt again.
Response: #12 Received: May 25, 1999 18:26 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? The person in question (co-worker) spread nasty untrue rumours about me which other easily led people believed which made me start thinking - am i a really bad person?
a month
harsh words were spoken
Response: #13 Received: Jun 1, 1999 18:17 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? they ask if i know what im doing, or if im sure i know how
No change
Response: #14 Received: Jun 12, 1999 19:37 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? He was my former boss from 94..a guy i dated was sexually harassing me baddly.. i called homeoffice and the district maganger and my store manager got me in the office with the guy and ask me what happened..the guy kept shaking his head no and said i cursed him out..i said i didnt they used me sayin "shit" as proof that i did..and i had not.. they ask me why they never saw him do any of the violent things to me.. i told them that a con artist or sexual offender doesnt let anyone see when they are about to damage someone's life.. that what i reported was true...i was scared of him(the sexual offender) and was afraid he'd rape or beat me..he's beaten his "girfriend".. my dad was protecting me..and so were my brothers..anyway.. i found varrious porno on my windshield and he wrote on my car windows.. and broke into my car to put porno on my seats..my manager took this and thew it away after i left..in the office they sided with him saying "are you satisfied now sindy??"..and then after it was over they ask the "offender" if they could all go out and drink now that they had shut me up..they told me that if i took them to court i wouldnt win becuse i had no proof..yes i did,,my word and my obvious fear of him..and his background i found out had a "record".. this made me feel small..a waitress warned me about him after i had went on a date before any of this happened..he cursed me out in public and i threw a glass of ice at him..my manager came pouting in the back room where i was crying and said "you gave mark a red eye.." i still can believe how men will side with one anouther no matter how obvious it is..not all men.. but alot of them wont take up for a woman being sexualy harassed.. this is bad..and i should have taken it further.. my manager even called me after i quit on the bussiest day.. and ask me "what behoved you to quit?"..i told him "him sexualy threatening and harassing me..breaking into my car..writing on my car.. and other things you knew happened but becuse you are a male you sided with that asshole" he said "well you dont have to worry about him..he's in jail now.." i said "there's no excuse for how he treated me or how you treated me..you are lowlife and i ought to take you to court" and i hung up on him.. this my friends makes a woman feel as low as you can go.
Sometimes, the period of self-doubt and reflection is marked by a question you ask yourself repeatedly. Did you ask yourself such a question over and over during this time? is he really just playing???..will the courts believe me?.. there are all kinds of questions i had
harsh words were spoken Other: I was litteraly scared of him..he got worse in the way he treated me and the magagment sided with him and laughed at me.
We are no longer in contact. Other: I quit and got on with my life. and hope that if he does this to anouther woman they'll report his ass.
Response: #15 Received: Jul 2, 1999 16:06 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? said I don't cooperate with other people wasn't a good photographer my ex said I was unsociable
Response: #16 Received: Jul 22, 1999 02:25 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? said that i was pathetic and weak for not haiving the strength or sense of self sacrifice yto quit smokig
Other: i came to feel that this person expected too nuch from me and we broke and are still working onit
Response: #17 Received: Aug 19, 1999 18:35 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? Nothing, that's just it. She completly ignores me and I am the one who supports her the most!!
I felt less close to this other person I felt something like grief or sadness Other:
Response: #18 Received: Sep 24, 1999 21:54 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? When this person failed to ever mention good things that I had done, but always placed his attention on my faults. When I would try to fix things that were "inadequate", something new was wrong. It was a neverending cycle of criticism.
Sometimes, the period of self-doubt and reflection is marked by a question you ask yourself repeatedly. Did you ask yourself such a question over and over during this time? do Icar too much about what other people think of me and therefore try to hard to please everyone and in turn please no one
Response: #19 Received: Oct 27, 1999 17:46 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? I remember once when I was talking to a boyfriend on the phone. The radio was playing in the background and I was singing quietly to the song that had been playing. OUt of no where he said, "Babe, you suck at singing." I couldn`t believe it. I quit singing in front of him and others for at least 6 months.
Response: #20 Received: Nov 11, 1999 20:09 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? Gave me new responsibilities at my job and then a week later took them away and put me in a whole new department where I had to learn everything on my own.
Response: #21 Received: Nov 16, 1999 02:33 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? She told me that I was too lazy and that I was too dependent on her. Told me a lot of things, like she used to say I didn't stand up straight( I slumped ) and that worried me, made my self confidence worse. Told me bad things about my father that I didn't want to hear because I love him so much.
I felt less close to this other person I felt something like grief or sadness harsh words were spoken Other:
Response: #22 Received: Nov 17, 1999 00:47 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? I'm a student nurse and I'm finishing up my last 8 weeks doing a "Preceptor Ship", which means I have a Registered Practical Nurse that I work side by side with, eventually becoming more comfortable with the job setting, all the changes and new ways of doing things. We're taught at school, theory...we spent hardly any time in the hospital realistically. I had no previous experience as some of the other students...they may have worked as "Health Aides" or "Homemakers for the Elderly" etc. The first day I was introduced to my RPN, the second day was misleading. I felt like she wanted to be a friend/teacher/nurse all rolled into one. Most of the other students aren't having problems with their preceptors, but mine is very hard on me. I feel as if she's playing mind games with me. I like people to be foreward and let me have the truth if she feels I'm doing something wrong. However, the way she goes about telling me, makes me feel inferior. We have to put in 38 days to be eligible to graduate. She is supposed to evaluate me as a nurse, and yes I feel in some instances I made mistakes (I can accept corrective criticism), but she was very demeaning to me. She told me after only having me 4 out of the 38 days by her side, that I'd never make it as a nurse. I've graduated all of my previous semesters, but now I have a nurse telling me to give it all up, so to speak. I asked her "BLANK, have you already given up on me?" She said, "No, but I truly don't think you'll make it as a nurse. I've been working at my nursing, trying to graduate and take care of my health, mentally & physically, raise a child on my own, etc. I felt bad about myself....but then I started to think positively! My mother told me when I was 13 years old, that I would never be able to type...saying that my hands were to large for the keys. I failed my first typing course...I used the wrong keys. At 15 I approached my teacher admitted that the teacher I had before shouldn't have passed me. She agreed to let me in her class, but I had to promise I wouldn't use the wrong keys. I had to retrain myself...I passed with an A+. I now can type 110 WPM. It's like something explodes in my head "DEFIANCE". Whatever it is no matter what the problem...I simply refuse to give in! I tell my friends "Never tell me I can't do something, because I most certainly will". Not like having sex with somebody, but in general things that are healthy or good for me. Don't judge me! So when my preceptor told me that I wouldn't make it in the field...at first, I was upset...I felt the heat go to my head, ears and neck. I flushed from insult and then anger...but amazingly I remained calm. Now I'm up late e-mailing you....I'm worried. I was belittled by this woman who has complete authority over whether I graduate or not. She's a perfectionist, she seldom cracks a smile and if she does...it seems to be when she's saying something sarcastic. This personality of hers is clashing with my own personality. We don't mesh well together. My nursing career is on the line, because of this clash. She admitted that she couldn't really pinpoint what it was that bothers her. She said "I don't know exactly what it is, it's almost as if you're not here, yet you are. Perhaps you're in another place. That was incorrect....I need to get used to the atmosphere and the huge transition into the workplace. Now after trying for 4 years to finish my program to support my daughter and myself, I'm being blown out of the water verbally. I'm not allowed to explain to her why I did certain things after she has criticized me, she called an explanation from me "ARGUING" with the teacher! I was simply trying to explain to her why I had done things that she was unhappy about. She's a drill sergeant...I'll tell you one time, and then if you make a mistake or ask me a question again, I'll assume that you're incompetent. YET, she told me to ask questions if I wasn't sure about anything. I do, then I get in trouble....now that causes SELF-DOUBT, and worry...that will affect my job.
Sometimes, the period of self-doubt and reflection is marked by a question you ask yourself repeatedly. Did you ask yourself such a question over and over during this time? Yes. "There must be something wrong with me, it seems like nobody likes me. No matter how hard I try. I think I'm doing a good job, yet people see all my flaws. I'm never getting recognition for the good things that I can do. If I fail, I'll be a nobody on welfare. I'll never make the grade!
I felt less close to this other person I felt something like grief or sadness harsh words were spoken Other: I felt like I had to guard myself at all times, insecure. I felt incompetent because of what she said to me.
Other: Initially, she was nice to me (DECEIT). Then she criticized me, and told me that I was only a student and as such I can't really talk or be friends with the other staff. It won't change.
Response: #23 Received: Dec 9, 1999 15:23 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? When I was losing sleep because of really noisy neighbors upstairs, a doctor told me that I was not sleeping because I was manic depressive.
Response: #24 Received: Dec 21, 1999 20:38 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? When someone said I would never amount to anything and would never make it on my own.
Response: #25 Received: Dec 27, 1999 17:17 ET
....Think of a person from your past, someone who gave you such self-doubts.
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? Everytime I'd make a decision it never worked out well. Whenever he made a decision for me it worked out great. He convinced me I was no good at making decisions.
I felt something like grief or sadness harsh words were spoken
Response: #26 Received: Mar 6, 2000 22:14 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? We got into a discussion about each of our preferences in relationships. She was talking about how she hates when the guy gives cheesy little gifts for no reason, keeps all the little reminders of the relationship and calls her everyday. Well, she was being so negative towards something that described my relationship style to a tee. When I voiced my concerns she told me that I needed to be less sensitive. This hurt me more because it was as though my style was wrong and I should learn to be less involved.
Sometimes, the period of self-doubt and reflection is marked by a question you ask yourself repeatedly. Did you ask yourself such a question over and over during this time? Am I too sentimental?
harsh words were spoken Other:
Other: I never was able to be myself around her, not because I was unconfident but I didn't want her to know me anymore.
Response: #27 Received: Mar 23, 2000 12:01 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself?
Response: #28 Received: Mar 29, 2000 09:04 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? In the beginning of the "dating life" and the finding who you really are I found myself to be a very trusting person. I trusted people very easily, some would even call me naive. Than I met someone that I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. He proposed to me on my birthday and told me that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. Two days later though he told me that he wanted to see other people. I think I had lost a big part of me that day. When he told me though I did not shed a tear in front of him. I thought to myself that I wouldn't let him see me cry. I wish I did though now. I thought that when someone breaks up they don't feel guilt, that is kind of crazy now that I think about it. When I had broken up with my ex-boyfriend about a year ago I remember how awful I felt when I did it but I knew it had to be done, and I hope that I didn't take a part of him away like that guy had done to me. Maybe though it is just another part of life that we go through Were our hearts get stronger and lessons are learned for a reason. A year after he broke up he came over to my house and I didn't even answer the door I didn't want to go down that road again. I had grew stronger that day in my heart. It was very hard not to open that door.
Response: #29 Received: Aug 14, 2000 20:27 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? I am a christian, and met a older woman who I wanted to fellowship with and get to be good friends with, so I envited her to a revival near our town..She claimed to know it all on the religous level, and she tried to get me to do some things becuse she claimed the lord said for me to do so, when I didnt feel like I should, or the lord either. So the more we talked the more pressure she put on me, the lower I felt, as if my christianity is lower than hers, as if i was raised wrong for believing my christian morals..she claimed to be higher than me, a deciple..and i felt so intimidated around her..it ended up in a huge fight outside of the work lounge. We are alright now thanks to the lord's works in this situation..but i dont get intimidated around her anymore, becuse she isnt higher than any other child of god..and cant hear the lord for me..no matter what she says..
Sometimes, the period of self-doubt and reflection is marked by a question you ask yourself repeatedly. Did you ask yourself such a question over and over during this time? I asked myself "does god really think i am a bad person for thinking that what i am doing is right according to him and not her??"
I felt less close to this other person I felt something like grief or sadness harsh words were spoken Other: we are ok now...but i dont talk to her too much sadly...when i do i let her think what she wants..i dont believe in the lord according to her beliefs and wisdom..only god's and the bibles...and that is that...she can say what she wants..
Other: we still act in love to eachother, though I can see that she thinks she knows it all and is never wrong..and knows god alot more than anyone else..so i just love her, and in general talk to her..but nothing too close..god has given me a good understanding of her now..though i still feel a bit irritated at her for her know it all additudel,,,god will work it out..and is..
Response: #30 Received: Oct 27, 2000 00:03 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? That i was using her.
Response: #31 Received: Jan 15, 2001 17:01 ET
What did he or she do or say that made you question yourself? My boyfreind told me that i was perfect for him and that until he met me he kept questioning his own self worth and then he broke up with me 1 month later saying that i wasnt someone he can see himself with and that he found someone he could
no change, nothing unusual
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