Relationshop > Brown’s Dictionary > Silent Treatment

definition of silent treatment

an original definition by J. E. Brown

the silent treatment

n., pejorative

1. A form of spin. What abusers call the stunned reaction of their victims. After an abuser attacks his or her chosen target/victim, the abuser will often launch a second-wave attack which consists of criticizing the victim’s reaction to the earlier abuse. Abusers often criticize the stunned silence of their victims by snarling, “Now you’re giving me the silent treatment!”

Synonyms:

Shock; stunned silence; withdrawing.

Pouting, sulking, feeling sorry for yourself, self-pity, pity party, whining, withholding, and other terms used by abusers who need to be made single.

Related Concepts:

abusiveness; adding insult to injury (by criticizing the reaction to criticism); attempting to dictate and micromanage the emotions and reactions of others; blame shifting; bullying; dysfunction; gaslighting; kitchen sinking; needing more space; nit-picking; spin; victim blaming.

Etymology:

The term “silent treatment” appeared infrequently in books as far back as 1825 but did not go viral until about 1890, according to Google Books.

Comorbidities:

The abuser typically believes there will be any sex within 24 hours after a fight. Doesn’t even understand the connection. Says you’re “pouting”, “sulking”, “withholding”, “vengeful”, “manipulative”, etc. {Source: “Definition of Silent Treatment” by J. E. Brown.}

Some abusers may play cat-and-mouse games, like a cat that bats its prey into scared silence every time the prey tries to speak or move. Then, when the victim becomes motionless and speechless, that’s when the abuser accuses the victim of Pouting and giving the Silent Treatment.

Comparative Definitions:

Silent Treatment vs. Feeding Frenzy. In the basic Silent Treatment phenomenon, two people are involved:

1. An abuser bullies a victim.
2. Victim goes silent.
3. The abuser reacts to the victim’s silence by bullying the victim further for feeling sad.

In a Feeding Frenzy, three or more people are involved:

1. An abuser bullies a victim.
2. Victim goes silent or fights back.
3. A person or persons other than the first abuser respond to the victim’s reaction by bullying the victim further — in effect, joining the first abuser in ganging up on the victim.

Thus, in both cases, step #3 is an act of re-victimization.