Red Flags: Words and Phrases Often Found in the Personal Ads of Abusive People
Abusive people have a tendency to project responsibility for their abusiveness onto their victims.
Expect abusers to use phrases like:
- Seeking someone who’s not insecure, not overly sensitive, not hypersensitive.
- Seeking someone who is emotionally stable.
- Happiness comes from within. (Translation: “Your loved ones are not obligated to help you be happy.”)
- Seeking someone with a sense of humor
- Seeking someone who doesn’t take things too seriously
- Seeking friends who don’t take themselves too seriously
- Seeking someone who can take a joke.
- I’m just misunderstood.
- Sometimes people can’t tell when I’m just joking / just kidding.
- Not into drama.
- Not into baggage.
Also look for phrases like:
- I’m outspoken. I speak my mind. I tell it like it is. No sugar coating; straight up, no chaser.
- Some people think I’m rude, but I’m not.
- I’m honest, sometimes to a fault.
- I’m a nice person. Really!
5th edition 30 Jan 2016
4th edition 30 May 2008
3rd edition 16 Sep 2007
2nd edition 08 Apr 2007
1st edition 28 Jun 2006
about the author
J. E. Brown, relationship activist, decided in 1987 that verbal abuse will be wiped off the planet.
He has been working on it ever since.
While writing a book on relationships, he occasionally designs online surveys and writes educational materials for this web site.
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More at This Site
- Is there a booklet of manners in your house?
We offer this one:
How Rude! -- a booklet about rude and abusive people, and how to recognize them